Prevention is better than cure ( fulfilled matrimonial life)

PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE
(FULFILLED MATRIMONIAL LIFE)

BY SAFIYYAH UMMU-ABDOUL
safiyyahjibril@gmail.com

Marriage is the process by which two people make their relationship public, official, and permanent. It is the joining of two people in a bond that putatively lasts until death, but in practice is increasingly cut short by divorce.
It can also be ritually recognized as union between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between them, between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws.

Simple way to maintain  love and happiness within the stipulated marital life is to prevent it from all types of discord and  violence. 
Ladies are always at the receiving end and also they  causes 70% of it.  Here are little tips you can follow to prevent your matrimonial life.

First of all you must know whom to marry, (for the singles)  you can't jump into marriage without knowing  if you two are compatible or not.  Marry somebody with similar passions and dreams even though you hardly get two with exactly the same passion.  Synergy is extremely important in a marriage. If your spouse has the same vision as you, they will understand your struggles and support your pursuits. They will encourage your walk. They will be empathetic. There is much power in two people doing life with the same goals, dreams, and passions for life.

Secondly is prayers; after getting some one with passion similar to yours then you seek for lord's intervention,  only He knows what every one hides in him.  Wen you pray,  he will guide and protect you and also u have set the best foundation.

Once you get married,  you have just signed a difficult contract,  first years of marriage are usually difficult but with time things get better. Every marriage has struggles. Yours is not unique. Don’t give up. There are better days coming. Your marriage will get better. Do not walk out. Nothing worth having comes easy. If you walk out now you disqualify yourself (and your spouse) from years of joy.

Communication: Nobody's born a natural communicator. Like riding a bike or hitting a baseball, communication in marriage is a skill you can learn. And good communication is the key to improving your relationship.  Communication in relationships is like a river. When thoughts and feelings flow smoothly between marriage partners it's fun, feels good, and helps support everyone around. However, when communication flow is turbulent, it's potentially dangerous and destructive. And when communication gets blocked, pressure builds up. Then when the words start flowing again, they tend to come out suddenly in a damaging raging flood.

Because many couples struggle with healthy communication in marriage, especially about important issues, it’s common for couples to avoid their big, difficult topics. They share trickles of information back and forth about who’s going where when and who’s going to pick up the kids, without ever diving into the conversations that are actually most important to them. Overtime, the lack of a full communication flow dries up the passion and love between them.

In a great relationship couples talk freely, openly, and feel safe sharing their most private thoughts. They comfortably and considerately verbalize their concerns and feelings when difficulties arise and voice their positive thoughts when things are good. Both partners talk tactfully, staying far from attacking, hurtful or controlling comments. They listen attentively, trying to understand what their partner says with sympathy rather than looking for what’s wrong in what their partner has to say or dismissing what they hear, even if they have a different perspective. And after talking, both people in the marriage feel good about the conversation, and feel like their concerns have been considered and addressed.

Great communication in marriage is a skill that you can learn. It takes practice. And it takes a teacher that can show you how. Read wide ,  magazines,  books,  articles  that can help you.

Always bear in mind that The course of a conflict is not determined by the person who initiates, but by the person who responds,  also the success of a conversation can be maximized if the timing of the conversation is carefully chosen.  For that always choose a suitable timing for your conversation and chew your words as u speak.

Generosity and considerate behaviors can go a long way toward nurturing a great marriage. Instead of wondering if they’ll ever load the dishwasher right, do something you know your spouse will appreciate. Be forewarned: they may not throw you a ticker-tape parade because you did it. Don’t get caught up in the “what’s in it for me” trap again.

If you continue a pattern of being more generous and thoughtful toward your spouse, they’ll eventually say or do something as a response. They might hold their comments back at first because they don’t know if this trend will stick. They may be waiting to see if this generosity is a gimmick or a set of new, positive habits. When they see that you are genuine and consistent with your efforts over time, your message will be clear. Let those selfish thoughts pass by and keep doing loving things for your spouse.

You may not feel loving at first when you do these generous acts. If they don’t say anything at first, you may really wonder why you are bothering at all. Keep going anyway. The more you act with generosity, the more you’ll naturally feel generous and loving toward your spouse.

Accept that approximately 30% of problems are resolvable, 50-60% are modifiable, and that 10-20% need to be accepted and coped with

Maintain positive, realistic personal and marital expectations.  Use the guideline of a 5 to 1 positive-negative set of thoughts, feelings, and behavior toward your spouse and marriage.

It takes some practice to change old marriage communication mistakes. It’s amazing how the energy between spouses can change so much with just a few changes. When you understand how it all fits together, you can make real progress in your relationship right away.

safiyyahjibril@gmail.com