Domestic violence (who is at fault)

Domestic violence (who is at fault)
By Safiyyah Ummu-Abdoul
(safiyyahjibril@gmail.com)

Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse.
Victims can be of any age, sex, race, culture, religion, education, employment or marital status. Although both men and women can be abused, most victims are women.
In terms of marital abuse wives are always at the receiving parts,  dey are bn turned to slaves,  maltreated  and violated to the highest level all because they are wives.

I know alot will b shocked when I say women are the reasons behind 70% of domestic violence.  Research shows nearly 60 percent of all young women have experienced abuse: 29 percent of women surveyed said they'd been in an abusive relationship.
Both Islam and Christianity assigned equal rights to both in terms of matrimony to some extent women are even more favored when it comes to care and love,  but our African culture always degrade women and yet people regards it more than religion.

A lot of ladies only worship their creator while they are singles,  widows or divorced,  but worship their husband's while married.  Every religion commands the respect of husband not worship,  and when ever you choose to worship other than your creator u equally choose to live a violated life.
Husband's are not God,  they are our companions,  partners, lovers etc.  We have rights over them just as they have. 

Wives in Islam are considered mates to their "other half." The prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) taught his followers to get married and fulfill and complete the "other half" of their religion or way of life. Marriage is considered a complimenting of two halves to each other in Islam.
Islam acknowledged women's equality with men in a great many respects. The Quran states:

"And among His signs is this: that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest and peace of mind in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Certainly, herein indeed are signs for people who reflect." [Noble Quran 30:21]

Prophet Muhammad said:

"The most perfect in faith amongst believers is he who is best in manners and kindest to his wife." [Source: �Sunnan� of Abu Dawud]

When we talk of violation some may think Islam permits  wife violations,  the only verse that talks of beating or striking the women is that of surah An-nisai where Allah says

"Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand." [Noble Quran 4:34]

If a woman rebels against her husband and disobeys his commands, then he should follow this method of admonishing her, forsaking her in bed and hitting her. Hitting is subject to the condition that it should not be harsh or cause injury. Al-Hasan al-Basri said: this means that it should not cause pain.

‘Ata’ said: I said to Ibn ‘Abbaas, what is the kind of hitting that is not harsh? He said, Hitting with a siwaak and the like. [A siwaak is a small stick or twig used for cleaning the teeth - Translator]

The purpose behind this is not to hurt or humiliate the woman, rather it is intended to make her realize that she has transgressed against her husband’s rights, and that her husband has the right to set her straight and discipline her.

Where do we get to the commad to stay in a violated life all in the name of marriage?  Let's look at. What the Islam says about rights since there is nothing in the Qur’aan that suggests that a man is allowed to violate his wife.

– The Qur’aan enjoins good treatment of one's wife: she is to be honoured and treated kindly, even when one no longer feels love in one's heart towards her. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19]

– The Qur’aan explains that women have rights over their husbands, just as their husbands have rights over them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allaah is All-Mighty, All-Wise”

[al-Baqarah 2:228]

This verse indicates that the man has additional rights, commensurate with his role as protector and maintainer and his responsibility of spending (on his wife) etc.

– The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) enjoined kind treatment and honouring of one’s wife, and he described the best of people as those who are best to their wives. He said: “The best of you are those who are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3895; Ibn Maajah, 1977; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

– The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) spoke beautiful word concerning kind treatment of one’s wife, stating that when the husband feeds his wife and puts a morsel of food in her mouth, he earns the reward of doing an act of charity. He said, “You never spend anything but you will be rewarded for it, even the morsel of food that you lift to your wife’s mouth.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6352; Muslim, 1628.

Why won't we be violated when we all go against these commandments and accept culture  in the name of religion.  Most ladies are negligence of their worships but busy with things to please a man.  Yes marriage is an act of worship but also not an act of slavery.  Who are we to worship or creator or our husband's. 
When u tell others about ur problems all they will say is be patient and prayerful if that is the solution to all marital problem  then why don't we prevent such problems by doing it before the problem comes.  Marriage is not every thing,  it's just the starting point,  it's just like you having only rice and you want a garnished jellof rice.  You need be  prayerful  and be so conscious of your religion that is the only weapon to fight the devil. 

We should also seek for knowledge because With regard to education, both women and men have the same rights and obligations. This is clear in Prophet Muhammad's saying:

"Seeking knowledge is mandatory for every believer." [Hadith (saying of Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) collected by Ibn Majah] This implies men and women.

A woman is to be treated as God has endowed her, with rights, such as to be treated as an individual, with the right to own and dispose of her own property and earnings, enter into contracts, even after marriage. She has the right to be educated and to work outside the home if she so chooses. She has the right to inherit from her father, mother, and husband. A very interesting point to note is that in Islam, unlike any other religion, a woman can be an imam, a leader of communal prayer, for a group of women.

A Muslim woman also has obligations. All the laws and regulations pertaining to prayer, fasting, charity, pilgrimage, doing good deeds, etc., apply to women, albeit with minor differences having mainly to do with female physiology.

Before marriage, a woman has the right to choose her husband. Islamic law is very strict regarding the necessity of having the woman's consent for marriage. The groom gives a marriage dowry to the bride for her own personal use. She keeps her own family name, rather than taking her husband's. As a wife, a woman has the right to be supported by her husband even if she is already rich. She also has the right to seek divorce and custody of young children. She does not return the dowry, except in a few unusual situations.

Despite the fact that in many places and times some Muslims have not always adhered to all or even many of the foregoing in practice, the ideal has been there for 1,400 years, while virtually all other major civilizations did not begin to address these issues or change their negative attitudes until the 19th and 20th centuries, and there are still many contemporary civilizations which have yet to do so.

The prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered his companions never to mistreat their wives. He scolded them and admonished them, saying "How could you treat them like animals in the day and then want to be intimate with them at night."

Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said it all in a simple sentence, "The best of you are the best to their wives; and I am the best to my wives."

Safiyyah Ummu-Abdoul
safiyyahjibril@gmail.com
08157284163